“Give yourself permission not to know
and be satisfied knowing the One who does.”
~ by Joyce Meyer, I Dare You
Apostle, prophet, teacher, administrator, tongues, healing, helps, faith, prayer, knowledge...Do you know what the things on this list have in common? They are all spiritual gifts. As Christians, we are each given some of these gifts at the time of our salvation, and it is our responsibility to discover, exercise, and put to use the gifts God gave us.
It was only after marrying my husband that I became aware of one of my most treasured spiritual gifts –the gift of faith. My wonderful husband, John, is an engineer. Everything in his world has to make sense in order to work. He truly loves the Lord, but he struggles with faith. John’s tendency is to take everything apart piece by piece, examine it, and then fit it back together. I constantly find myself telling him, “Neither life nor Scripture are like that. In both we come upon things we simply cannot explain. That’s where faith comes in.” I often feel bad for him, wishing I could ease the conflict he so often feels, but I can’t. He has his own spiritual gifts, of course, and I often wish I could see things more logically, and understand how things actually work. Still, as time goes on, I become more and more thankful for my gift of faith.
Seven years ago my faith was put to its greatest test. All three of our sons were married to lovely Christian girls, two of them sisters. I had longed for the day when I would no longer be the only female in the family, and we welcomed our daughters in law with open arms. All were in constant contact with us, and very involved in their churches. So we couldn’t have been any more shocked when our oldest son, Travis, called one day to say that his wife had left him, saying she didn’t want to be married any more. He was absolutely stunned and devastated. Of course this rocked our entire family, in part because her only sister was still married to another son. If that wasn’t enough of a blow, we learned within the day that another son, Tristan, and his wife had lost the baby that was to have been our first grandchild.
I was soon on a plane to Texas, since both sons needing comfort lived there. I prayed and prayed, but couldn’t stop crying. God comforted me by bringing to mind verses of Scripture I had memorized over the years, and the words of hymns that came easily to mind.
I remember telling my son, Tristan, who was in seminary at the time, (he was also the one grieving over the loss of his first child), “I know how God wants Travis’ story to end. If this marriage can be saved, it will bring more glory to Him. So He will surely answer our prayers, and bring them back together.”
I still see in my mind’s eye Tristan’s sorrowful expression as he replied, “We live in a fallen world. God sees and cares, but He doesn’t always intervene. He allows us to make choices contrary to his will. Illnesses and death still occur. There is nothing we can do about many of those things but trust Him to help us through it.” Perhaps his words should have shaken my faith, but they strengthened it instead. I realized immediately that my faith had been misplaced. My faith needed to be in God, Himself, not in the outcome.
The next several months were so difficult, but with Travis looking to us for wisdom and comfort, I felt a responsibility to deal quickly and completely with my own grief and to seek God’s face like I had never done in the past. It was a bittersweet time as I grew in my faith by leaps and bounds, but I came to realize that the marriage would not be saved. Neither would Tristan and his wife be able to conceive again for a couple more years. I began to understand how hard it is as a parent to see your children suffer through trials that I would have gladly suffered myself, if only I could have spared them the pain.
It also helped me to understand how God, our Heavenly Father must feel when He sees me hurting and struggling in this imperfect, sin-wrecked world, and how He ultimately sacrificed His only Son to spare me from a life-sentence of certain death. That is where my faith, my hope, and my comfort lie. Now, seven years later, I can see many ways that God used those awful experiences for His glory, and for good in all of our lives.
A few years ago I taught a Ladies’ Sunday school class on the attributes of God, using the book, The Knowledge of the Holy by A.W. Tozer. If you have never taken an in-depth look at who God is, what He cannot help but be, because He is God, I encourage you to do it without delay. The truth of God’s character, combined with His faithfulness that I have experienced in the midst of trials gives me something solid to cling to when I am faced with questions I cannot answer. I may not know how a certain passage of Scripture fits into God’s plan for me or the world He created, but that uncertainty can’t shake my faith in the great I Am. He has always been, and will always be who He has claimed to be. It is almost beyond comprehension that I have the opportunity to draw near to this amazing God, and that in so doing, He will draw near to me. (James 4:8)
Here are some song lyrics that illustrate beautifully Joyce Meyer’s quote and the things I have shared:
After the Last Tear Falls (by Andrew Peterson)
After the last tear falls
After the last secret's told
After the last bullet tears through flesh and bone
After the last child starves
And the last girl walks the boulevard
After the last year that's just too hard
There is love
Love, love, love
There is love
Love, love, love
There is love
After the last disgrace
After the last lie to save some face
After the last brutal jab from a poison tongue
After the last dirty politician
After the last meal down at the mission
After the last lonely night in prison
There is love
Love, love, love
There is love
Love, love, love
There is love
And in the end, the end is
Oceans and oceans
Of love and love again
We'll see how the tears that have fallen
Were caught in the palms
Of the Giver of love and the Lover of all
And we'll look back on these tears as old tales
'Cause after the last plan fails
After the last siren wails
After the last young husband sails off to join the war
After the last "this marriage is over"
After the last young girl's innocence is stolen
After the last years of silence that won't let a heart open
There is love
Love, love, love
There is love
And in the end, the end is
Oceans and oceans
Of love and love again
We'll see how the tears that have fallen
Were caught in the palms
Of the Giver of love and the Lover of all
And we'll look back on these tears as old tales
'Cause after the last tear falls
There is love
Thank you, God, that You are the Giver of love and the Lover of all. Thank you for the gift of faith with which You have blessed me. Thank you for sustaining me with this gift, and using it to help me to grow in awe of You. For those I love, and those reading this who may find it hard to trust You completely, I pray for a greater measure of Your faith, and a very real knowledge of who You are. I know I will face many more unknowns in this life, but I also know, and fully trust, the One who will see me through them.
I am participating in the Tuesday meme, "In Other Words" hosted today by Nina at Mama's little Treasures. Please visit her blog for links to more discussion on this quote.
